noises off! goldywatches is on!
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And Readers said, “Where the Hell is Goldywatches?” And here the Hell is Goldywatches.
Did I nail it? Were you thinking about this next edition of Goldywatches? You don’t have to say anything. I know I’m right.
Got a little off-schedule with the previous newsletter, so I decided to wait till the beginning-ish of August to get back on track. And to be completely honest, I didn’t watch as many movies. Which is probably a blessing in terms of the length of this newsletter.
Some of it is because of work (I saw a pig get a heart transplant!!), fixing up the new place (I live on my couch now), and because I got wrapped up in watching True Blood all the way through (Eric!!).
Enough excuses! I’m here and ready to return with fresh eyes and spirit. Go ahead. Keep scrolling. I promise it’s shorter this time. Substack tells me this is a 6-minute read, in fact.
NEW-TO-ME WATCHIES
Noises Off (1992) directed by Peter Bogdonavich
Headline: Carol Burnett, John Ritter, Michael Caine, Christopher Reeve, and Marilu Henner bounce off each other in an escalating frenzy of madness and misunderstandings as key players in a stage comedy. The kinetic energy of this comedy is electric and perfect and the precise amount of screwball that gets my blood pumping. There’s so much fun about this, like the dialogue-free sequence, which is really just a love letter to physical comedy. Or John Ritter’s character whose allergy to finishing a sentence is, like, well, you know?! And we got my girl CAROL, the comedy powerhouse, glamorous and goofy. No one has wielded an axe like her and made it funnier, I swear. If “nothing’s on” TV that peaks your fancy, tell your clicker to find this. (You’d get the joke if you watch the movie.)
Stream it on: Criterion Channel or rent it.
Sordid Lives (2000) directed by Del Shores
A family matriarch dies in an unfortunate accident as a result of a sordid affair, which brings everyone in the family and town together. Much like Noises Off, this one has quite the cast with Olivia Newton-John (RIP to an icon), Leslie Jordan (RIP to another icon), Beth Grant, Delta Burke, Beau Bridges, and on and on. This is a little corny, as is par for the course for a draggy movie like this one (draggy as in drag queen, that is). How else would we get two best friends cosplaying as Thelma and Louise to exact revenge on a cheating husband? Or a drag queen performing weekly shows as Tammy Wynette where he’s been institutionalized to be cured of homosexuality? Sisters feuding over whether or not to bury their mom in her favorite fur because it’s summer and way too hot for furs? Olivia’s basically just a singing Greek chorus because hey, why not have her sing if you got her in your picture?
Stream it on: Netflix and The Roku Channel.
The World’s Greatest Sinner (1962) directed by Timothy Carey
Clarence Hilliard (Timothy Carey) has a serious case of the doldrums. The solution? Call yourself God and build a cult by touring round the country on sex and rock music and nebulous promises of immortality. This movie is pretty goddamn manic. From music to camera work to its performances, it moves with the same shaky, crazed sensibility as its central character. He vibrates like Elvis on 4X speed when he plays music. Punches the heavens on his soapbox with “God” embroidered on his sleeves. Alienates all he loves and more. A true demagogue. This energy may not be what some (or perhaps most) of you look for in a movie, but it’s there, ready to take you along for a head-spinning ride.
Stream it on: Criterion Channel or rent it.
Melvin Goes to Dinner (2003) directed by Bob Odenkirk
Yeah, you saw that right. A film directed by my guy BOB ODENKIRK. This is not My Dinner with Andre, but it draws some understandable parallels. The titular Melvin (Michael Blieden) unintentionally makes dinner plans with an old friend, and two other people, connected and unconnected in some way or another, also happen to make their way to the table. One of them is played by Stephanie Courtney, who you may know quite well as Flo from the Progressive commercials. The movie is a conversation aided by flashbacks, and this quartet of semi-strangers wades from one conversation topic to another ranging from innocuous to fairly intimate. It’s never boring, which is a testament to well-drawn characters and how they drive story. Also, there were some fun cameos from folks like David Cross, Jenna Fischer, Jack Black, and many more.
Stream it on: Criterion Channel or rent it.
rEwAtCHeS i mUsT mEnTiOn
Rewatching is a practice I love, but I’ve run into more people these days who claim they don’t like to rewatch things? Which is wild to me? You don’t care to return to stories you love? If I sound a little judgmental, that’s probably because I am. But don’t let that stop you from defending yourself. Confront me in the street or over email if you like.
The Big Chill (1983) directed by Lawrence Kasdan
As a University of Michigan graduate, this is how I imagine my college friend reunion* will go. But without the mourning of a dead friend, the loaning of stud husbands for baby-making, and less emotional peaks and valleys. So really nothing like this, except for maybe a nice weekend in a two-story house with great late-night conversation. All that joking to say this is a great movie with a fantastic cast and soundtrack.
*We’ve tried to do this many times, but so far, we haven’t gotten the entire group together all at once since graduation. ONE DAY!!
Stream it on: Might be that you have to rent this one, sorry.
The Awful Truth (1937) directed by Leo McCarey
Screwball comedies are sometimes called “comedies of remarriage,” and this fits the bill perfectly. Cary Grant and Irene Dunne star as couple who gets divorced after accusing each other of infidelity. Well, they get the divorce but have to wait 60 days till it’s final, and in that time, you get the sense that they still love each other a lot — especially when new potential love interests pop up. Like Ralph Bellamy as the hokey “aw garsh” Oklahoman millionaire, who I adore. Irene Dunne molded herself as a different kind of screwball lady, with a delicious playfulness and cunning that’s all her. (Check out Theodora Goes Wild too and you’ll see what I mean.) Also recommend watching Cary and Irene’s followup comedy collab, My Favorite Wife, with Cary’s former roommate (and sometimes rumored lover) Randolph Scott.
Stream it on: Criterion Channel or rent it.
The Natural History of the Chicken (1990) directed by Mark Lewis
I have an affinity for offbeat character-driven documentaries, and this one quickly became a favorite when I watched it the first time around. Essentially, it’s a series of tales about chickens, told and reenacted by the folks who experienced it. There’s the story about the chicken who froze to death and came back to life, one about a legion of roosters who plagued a small community, and many more that I won’t spoil here. It’s also under an hour if that’s a draw for you!!
Stream it on: Criterion Channel.
I’ll be signing off, but not before recommending Kathleen Hanna’s memoir, Rebel Girl: My Life as a Feminist Punk. It was fantastic and respawned my obsession with girl punk music. Have I listened to Bikini Kill and Le Tigre constantly since? Yes — my Spotify daylist is evidence of that.
BYE.